Healing Your Relationship with Food: Part 2

Have you ever experienced what some people call food noise? If you have, you know exactly what I am referring to. If you’re unsure, let me explain what food noise is to the best of my ability. Think about when you first wake up in the morning; what are you aware of, thinking of, or responding to? Likely, you’re thinking about the day ahead and what it means. However, when you experience food noise, it becomes relatively overwhelming. The first thoughts you might have in the morning may be about what you ate yesterday, particularly if it was what you’d consider a bad day, intake wise. You might be thinking about what you want to eat for breakfast, what you should eat for breakfast, what’s planned the rest of the day as far as the calories you can count on. You might think about skipping breakfast, how hungry you are, how hungry you aren’t, how you should really eat intuitively but also you should eat more regularly and on a strict schedule. You might think about how much you spent on food this week, you might consider going out—again.

And all of this before you’ve made it to the bathroom for your morning visit.

Food noise is LOUD for some people, for most people it’s manageable. For people with eating disorders, it’s unmanageable. When you’re dieting, this food noise becomes even louder and often more aggressive. It’s likely attached to self-deprecating commentary about your weight or your body. The reflection in the mirror often drives someone’s food noise.

So how do you manage it?

When I first started taking Prozac to treat the depression I was experiencing as a result of my mental health circumstances, the first thing I noticed was that my appetite was greatly affected. I didn’t want to eat as often, and I wasn’t craving food items out of boredom. I started this medication alongside another medication with the attempt to regulate some of this food noise—and it worked. I wasn’t thinking about food, to the extent that I’d forget about eating altogether. Obviously, this movement from one extreme to the next was not a desired effect. I have since stopped taking the supporting medication and have tapered down on my Prozac to the extent that the food noise is just as bad as it was before. I’m learning some holistic ways of managing it, though. Here are some of the things that are helping me:

1. I learned my Human Design, and in that learned that I am not someone who functions well with strict schedules, as much as my mental health diagnoses often demand it.

I am a “go with the flow” kind of person, and often if I force too many strict schedules or regimens on myself, it backfires. Understanding how you respond to your schedule is so crucial for battling the food noise. If you’re overly strict, you’re often obsessing. If you’re not strict enough, you’re likely experiencing things like binges or guilt after eating. Knowing how to plan your meals ahead of time without becoming too obsessive over everything is key. Because I know my human design and how I operate, I now know that I can make a dinner menu with my boyfriend for a few days in advance, and 9/10 times we manage to stick to what’s planned for dinner. I now know that I can’t shop for groceries a week or more at a time, because I am too likely to become overwhelmed by the selection or forget half of what I have in the fridge. Then, food ends up going to waste, which causes a lot of guilt.

2. I stopped restricting myself too much, because it often led to binges and guilt.

Crash diets don’t work, and heavy restriction often leads to binge eating and a lot of guilt. You’re over-restricting and then over-eating to compensate for your physical and emotional hunger. Instead, I am learning to honor my cravings in healthy ways and allow myself to have the things that my ED is requiring of me, but in moderation. I can have the dessert without binging on three other desserts alongside it. I can eat out at the restaurant without ordering extra apps, sauces, sides, and treats. I can have the cake and eat it too, but just a slice—I don’t need to eat the whole thing.

3. I started journaling my food noise so that I could determine what it was my body really needed.

I realized that my cravings were often correlated to something that I felt like I was missing out on. The downside is the craving would only worsen and intensify until I indulged it. Instead, I spend a little extra time thinking of why I might be experiencing this craving or this urge to binge. I’m able to break down the possible emotions behind it and determine if I’m experiencing the craving because my body needs something specific, or if I’m experiencing it because it’s a deflection of an emotion that I don’t know how to manage. Often, I experience binges as a result of an emotional experience that I otherwise don’t know how to manage. “Oh well!” is the train of thought. Then, it’s the snowball of “well I’ve already f*cked it up this much” so I might as well keep going? Instead, I am recognizing my inability to manage some situations and attempting to rely on other coping skills to alleviate my emotional overwhelm, rather than eating as a coping mechanism to avoid what is truly bothering me. Plus, I can acknowledge consciously that the food never makes me feel better, anyway—it more often makes things worse than they were before.

The key is consistent growth and expansion, not the goal of perfection.

Food noise is often accompanied by strong food cravings or binge urges. If you’re able to break down the underlying reasons for why you’re experiencing the food noise, you’ll be better able to just shush it away when it becomes too loud. After a while, you start to notice it less and less. This comes with work, though. You have to be willing to look at the emotions behind your food choices, the causes of your food habits—whether it’s eating too much or skipping meals altogether. You have to understand that this is a journey, too. You might not experience change overnight, but there is progress to be made.